How to program your subconscious for success & personal fulfilment

Elise Brattoni
Aug 7, 2024
6 min read

As a high-achieving woman, it's likely you're constantly striving for more—more success, more fulfilment, more joy.

Yet, despite your best efforts, you often feel held back. Just falling short. Not QUITE hitting the mark across the board.... or perhaps you're diluting the ideal outcome to be more achievable or 'realistic', so even when you DO hit the mark, it lacks substance and the short-lived celebration fades away, emphasising the gaping hole still present in your fulfilment.

It's frustrating to see others seemingly cruise through challenges, while you struggle, procrastinate, and fail to create traction with continued momentum because of an ever-so-subtle hint of self-doubt. An unconscious fear undermines your progress. Somehow, it always seems to present itself as "rational thinking" and 'playing it safe'... which is, after all, the smartest thing to do. Isn't it?!

You're not alone in this experience.

Many women over 30 find themselves in the same predicament. Grappling with deep-seated beliefs inherited from cultural, societal norms and caregivers that appear to have your best interest at heart.

Most of our core beliefs are shaped early in life through interactions with our caregivers, society, and cultural environments, where our primary source of learning about the world takes place. As children, we naturally look up to these figures, perceiving them as all-knowing and well-intentioned. This plays a crucial role in our interpretations and understanding of right and wrong, safe and dangerous, acceptable and unacceptable.

Because caregivers are placed in this authoritative role, there is such a strong social and psychological component that discourages questioning their actions or beliefs. To challenge these beliefs can feel like challenging their authority, which can also be perceived as disrespectful or ungrateful, especially in cultures that emphasise respect for elders and authority figures.

This type of conditioning is the foundation of where we inherit internalised beliefs and fears of our caregivers or society without awareness or question... Significantly impacting our own capacity to succeed and grow. When we adopt the viewpoint and limitations of those around us—especially influential figures like parents or primary caregivers—we often inherit not just their wisdom but also their insecurities and unfulfilled aspirations.

For example, consider a client of mine who is a successful marketing executive in her mid-30s. Despite her professional achievements, she really struggles with a persistent sense of unconscious unworthiness (although before working with me, she was blissfully unaware of this internal narrative.) She frequently second-guesses her decisions, avoiding taking on new challenges, regardless of potential growth and prosperity, and this belief has her stuck in cycles of procrastination and self-sabotage. It's in these sorts of scenarios where our inner critic constantly reminds us of supposed 'inadequacies', echoing a critical voice that is often heard growing up. For my client in particular, this has led to stress, anxiety, and a deep-seated fear of failure that prevents her from enjoying her potential success and sense of fulfilment.

If a caregiver has experienced failure or rejection in their pursuit, they might convey (consciously or subconsciously) beliefs that aim to protect us from similar pain. These could include things like certain goals being unattainable or particular ambitions being too risky. While their intent is usually one of concern and protection, behind the advice-dressed-as-fact is a belief being planted that limits our own view of what is possible for ourselves and dampens our drive to explore or take risks that may have substantial outcomes.

I have also personally experienced this. As I have grown and encountered opportunities for personal and professional growth (prior to exploring the depths of subconscious programming and conditioning), and without understanding these inherited beliefs, I have not been aware of triggers that were blocking me subconsciously. This would often present itself as an opportunity to shy away from a challenge, not because I was incapable or fearful, but because I was operating under a shadow of someone else's fear of failure. Growing into adolescence, this further manifested as a lack of self-confidence, resistance to change, and self-sabotaging endeavours that required stepping out of my comfort zone.

Envisioning a Life Without Self-Sabotage

Fast forward to a point in time where you have dedicated time to doing the work needed to unravel this thread of conditioning. Imagine yourself in a world where you wake up every morning with a sense of purpose and confidence. It is extremely important to understand that regardless of purpose, pleasure, and prosperity, it is vital to normalise that life will still throw you curveballs. You are not ever going to always be happy, and you're probably going to get pissed off with a lot of people (likely to be children, partners, and incompetent drivers on the road), but that doesn't mean your dreams are unattainable.

When you clear out the junk drawer in your head that is stuffed with fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and obligation to be and do something based upon somebody else's experiences, and you create crystal-clear clarity surrounding who you are, what you value, and what you desire for yourself regardless of the possible judgment from these caregivers (cultural and societal), you will be able to approach life and work with enthusiasm, embrace new opportunities, and trust in your own instincts. When your inner critic is no longer a dominant force in your head, you are able to be guided by true desires and core values that matter to you. This is where you experience profound joy and fulfilment, not just on a professional level, but also in your personal life. And this vision is not a distant dream but an attainable reality for us all.

Your Path to Freedom: 12-week Life Alignment Pathway

Breaking free from these cycles requires us to identify and critically evaluate these inherent beliefs and accept our capacity to change them. It involves asking ourselves really deep questions about beliefs and whether or not they genuinely resonate with our own experiences and aspirations (regardless of how far-fetched they may seem to others), or if they are simply an echo of somebody else's limitations. This process is not just about journaling to some free prompts you found online or attempting a seven-day challenge that promises to change your world forever (with a money-back guarantee, for assurance); it's also not about discarding everything our caregivers have ever taught us. Rather, it's about being able to discern which parts of our inherited wisdom are beneficial and resonate with our true core beliefs and desires, and which parts may be hindering our growth and progress.

Don't completely disregard things like journaling and meditation. Routines that include these particular tools are often recommended as they are easily accessible for all, but they take consistency and patience for great return... and there is also the possibility that it is not your cup of tea (as it stands for me). You may decide to source free access to meditation practices, seek feedback from trusted friends or colleagues who might see the behaviours from a different angle, while others may consider things like therapy, counselling, workshops, and seminars.

We are often given advice to "practice gratitude" or "just think more positively", but keep in mind, this may not always be as effective compared to the approach taken in our Life Alignment Pathway. Through my personal experience and understanding from studies, it is evident that while there is a great immediate response with these well-known, suggested strategies, the results are often only experienced in the short term. This has been particularly evident through several studies relating to ACT, which has been shown to be effective in treating various anxiety conditions by enhancing psychological flexibility and values-driven behavior, promoting long-term changes in how individuals relate to their thoughts and feelings.

Reflect and Take Action

Take a moment to reflect on your own current situation. Where and how are subconscious fears and self-sabotaging behaviours affecting your life? What would it mean for you to live a life free from these limitations? Remember, the first step to change is awareness, and then the next step is action. Consider joining our "12-week Life Alignment Pathway" to embark on a transformative journey towards success and personal fulfilment.

Your Journey from Pain to Empowerment

This blog is intended to guide you from a place of pain and self-sabotage to envisioning a life of TRUE luxury—filled with joy and fulfilment. By acknowledging your current situation, envisioning a brighter future, and providing actionable steps to achieve the transformation, we aim to empower you to take control of your own destiny. The power is in your hands; explore the possibilities that are on your horizon if you choose to embrace the discomfort of the unknown. We are here to support you every step of the way, ensuring that you not only achieve YOUR VISION OF SUCCESS but, more importantly, enjoy the journey along the way.

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Email: info@withelise.co